First there was Bach. Then came Mozart. And later, there was Beethoven. And a bunch of other guys were thrown in among them. Brahms and Paganini, most notably.

In all of western music, only jazz comes anywhere close to classical’s ability to hear and translate the voice of God, though in the best jazz, it’s more the voice of the Devil, yet no less sublime. Paganini and Mingus were fluent in both languages.

When you go to a symphony concert, don’t try to sit up front: those seats are reserved for the people with too much money to need to really hear the music. The front row of the first balcony is the best: here the sound is at its most full and balanced. And no one will be able to turn around and see your tears.

And always remember: Cabernet for pieces in a F, C or G; and Merlot for D and B-flat.